


Choice

by AmaranthPrincess21



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 20:38:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1871682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmaranthPrincess21/pseuds/AmaranthPrincess21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alongside Levi, Isabel, and Farlan, you are a thug in the Underground. Dating Levi but having an affair with Farlan, you realize you're pregnant and you have no idea which one is the father. While they're gone, drafted into the military, you need to decide what you're going to do and who you will choose in the end: Levi and Farlan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choice

He looked at you with so much love in his eyes that you were sure it was his eyes that held all of his emotions and not his soul. When you made love with him, he would hold your hand and whisper sweet, kind words to you. He was never rough with you. He was always so gentle, inside and outside of the bedroom. During stolen moments alone, he would hold you so close and so tenderly. You may have lived in the dumps as a thug, but you knew in his eyes, you were a queen. No, not a queen. A goddess.

He looked at you apathetically, looking at you like he did everyone else until the fire of passion was lit. When you fucked him, he would take you hard and rough, whispering dirty words to you. He was never gentle with you, inside and outside of the bedroom. He always had an arm around your waist or his hand on your ass, making his territory known to everyone most of the time. You lived in a dark and rundown house, and you knew in his eyes you were not a goddess. You were his toy. No, not just a toy. A conquest. 

Farlan and Levi were different from each other like night is different from day, and you were painfully aware of it. You treasured your stolen moments with Farlan, but yet you still loved spending time with Levi, your actual boyfriend. Despite his abrasive behavior, you felt an odd sense of pride and security by being such a powerful underground figure's girlfriend. 

But you hated how he didn't treat you any differently from anyone else. The only markers of your relationship were your words and long, sinful nights spent together. If it weren't for his pride in calling you his girlfriend, no one in the public sphere would know you two were together. And initially, his general physical and emotional coldness was what drove you to the warmer Farlan. But months with Farlan proved he was just as bad as Levi, but in different ways. He visibly treated you differently from everyone else, and around the wrong people. He would give you puppy dog eyes in front of Isabel, and gently rub your hand when you were standing next to Levi. He pushed not only his own, but your luck as well, and it made you a nervous wreck. Whereas Levi was freezing, Farlan was suffocating you. But despite their faults, you loved them both. 

You loved the fantastic fucks you had with Levi, and how if anyone vaguely threatened your safety, they would be “taken care of” in a matter of minutes. He didn't coddle you, and he treated you like the independent woman you were. You may have been his girlfriend, but you weren’t his other half. You were your own person. And you loved how loving and romantic Farlan was with you. The moment you hinted you were upset, he was right beside you, holding you and giving you the comfort you needed as you ran your fingers through his light brown hair. He coddled you, and put you on a pedestal. You may have been his lover, but he treated you as his other half. You were his goddess. 

You found it difficult to consider leaving either one. The thought was a constant one in your head. It tore you apart to be sneaking around behind Levi’s back and it tore you apart that you couldn’t give Farlan your all. Guilt replaced the blood that ran through your veins. Every moment you spent in their company was marred by the suffocating guilt and self-hatred that covered your being like a thick, heavy blanket. You couldn’t bring yourself to leave Levi and devote yourself to Farlan, and no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t break it off with Farlan and stay faithful to Levi. You were well aware of the sick, disgusting game you started and you felt trapped in it. Both of the men had your love, and you could never leave one for the other. You weren’t sure which one of them you loved more. 

And then you weren't sure of which one was the father of the baby growing inside of you. 

Levi, of course, thought it was his. And perhaps it was. In public, he would act like his usual arrogant self whenever someone congratulated the two of you. However, you knew he wasn’t exactly pleased with the situation and would have preferred it if you had gotten rid of it. After all, the Underground was no place for a child to be raised. Farlan thought it was his, and the loving looks he gave you and your baby bump in private made you melt and sweat. In pubic, he acted indifferent about it, acting like he didn’t think it was his. However, he had asked you several times to run away with him to start over and climb out of the gutter and live in the capitol, the three of you: him, you, and the baby. 

You were a little more than three months pregnant when it happened. Isabel, your boyfriend, and your lover returned home earlier than you expected. You went out to the door to greet them, and were surprised to see a few members of the Survey Corps escorting them. 

“We’re joining the military,” Levi explained to you in the bedroom you shared with him while he packed what few things he had. “We’re being coerced into this. Don’t think I want to leave you by yourself.” 

“But what about me? What about the baby? What are we going to do?” you asked, sitting on his bed and playing with the stuffed animal Isabel had stolen for the baby. 

“That blond fuck says he’s found a nice building for women located in Trost,” he replied. “I won’t get paid much by being a Scout, but it’s enough to cover food and board there.” – a slap of guilt hit you. It was a familiar feeling, but it still hurt – “You’re not going to be as close to me as I’d like, but at least you’ll be out of this shit hole.” 

“Will I be able to visit you?” you asked nervously, fearing you already knew the answer to that. 

“I doubt it, but I won’t be gone in the military for long. I’ll be back before you know it, and we’ll be living the good life in Mitras.” You reached out for his hand, grasping it tightly. He gave it a quick squeeze before letting go. _Farlan would have held it for hours,_ an unwanted voice popped up in your mind. And once again, you felt disgusted with yourself that you were caught between these two men. 

The building that the squad leader had found was fairly nice. It was clean, which Levi approved of, and the tenets were friendly and warm, which Farlan approved of. You cried onto Isabel’s shoulder as she and your partners were getting ready to leave for the Scouting Legion’s base. 

“You can’t have that baby without me, you hear?” Isabel told you, and you nodded. 

“I won’t! I promise! You be safe out there, okay?” you asked of her, sniffing and trying to control your tears. 

“I will, don’t you worry!” she promised you, letting go and letting Farlan embrace you. Your chest heaved, and you wanted nothing more than to kiss him good bye. But with Levi and Isabel around, you knew you couldn’t. And you knew you shouldn’t. 

“You be safe too, Farlan,” you ordered him. “You’re gonna write to me too, right?” 

“I wouldn’t dream of losing contact with you, [First],” he said softly. There were so many words you wanted to say to him, but you couldn’t. You hoped he forgave you for not saying them and that he knew deep down the things you wanted to tell him. Glancing over to the blond man that Levi despised, you could see he was getting impatient. That or he just didn’t like you. He had seen your skills as well and invited you into the Survey Corps after the baby was born, but you declined his offer. Perhaps he held a grudge because of your refusal. You reluctantly broke up the hug with Farlan before turning to Levi. 

“Don’t do anything stupid, all right?” your boyfriend commanded you. You chuckled weakly, and he pulled you into a hug. 

“I won’t if you won’t.” you retorted. He smirked, and you felt his warm lips on your neck. 

“Fair enough. I’ll write to you every chance I have, okay?” he said. 

“Okay. I’ll look forward to it,” you mumbled softly. He gave you a soft, loving, chaste kiss: a first for him and old hat to you. It exhilarated you to experience Levi’s softer side, and it killed you to see the look of longing and depression in Farlan’s eyes. You and Levi parted and he, along with the Scouts and your friends, left you behind at the home. 

Distance made Levi grow softer, as his letters contained sweet words and encouragements. He asked how you were doing, how the baby was doing, was it getting hard for you to clean, should he come by on a day off and help you clean your small apartment. He spoke of how he missed you and was getting anxious to return to you. In his letters you saw a side of Levi you hadn’t really known had existed until now. And to complicate matters, distance seemed to make Farlan colder. His letters were formal, too formal, and you wondered that maybe he was afraid they were being intercepted or that Levi may find them before they were sent. He asked you were doing, how the baby was, telling you about he was doing, asking if he needed to send you anything. 

The days turned to months, and with the slow procession of time, your baby grew. Excitement and worry seemed to be the only emotions you felt. You weren’t going to lie to yourself; you were rather excited at the thought of becoming of mother. You loved children and you were in a position were having a baby wasn’t going to be a bad thing. But you were at war with yourself concerning what you were going to do once the baby was born. If the baby was clearly Levi’s, you would most likely remain with him and raise the child with his help. But if the baby was clearly Farlan’s, you would have no choice but to break it off with Levi and run away with Farlan. You weren’t clamoring to do that; it would tear Levi apart if you did that to him. But then again, if he knew you were sleeping with his best friend, he would be broken-hearted. You weren’t sure how good of a father Levi would be, and that frightened you and made you consider running away with Farlan even if the baby was Levi’s. The fact that whoever fathered the baby would choose your partner terrified you, and you hated yourself for getting involved with either of them. When the time came, you didn’t know how you’d be able to choose between them. 

You accompanied the three to Shiganshina and bid them farewell. You were scared for their lives, but Isabel told you to have faith in them. And although it irritated you, you knew you didn’t have any control of what happened out there and you had to trust that they would keep themselves safe. Tears poured down your face as you watched them leave the safety of the walls and venture into the dangerous, titan-filled lands. A new recruit that had stayed behind due to a broken arm, Petra, had helped you back to the inn where you were staying until Levi and Farlan returned. 

While they were on their first expedition, you gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Your fate was sealed, and despite the nerves you had about your partners’ return, spending time with your son calmed you. You had to think hard about what you were going to do now. The baby’s father was obvious with one look at your son, but you had to consider what Levi or Farlan would be like as a father and who ultimately would be the best father and eventual husband. You made your decision on what you were going to do, and although you had hoped it would never come to this, having to pick one over the other, you knew it was for the best. For your son’s sake and yours. 

A week passed, and you returned to the Shiganshina gate to greet your partners and Isabel. It had taken you a long time, but you were ready to make your final decision between the men. But in the end, you were not given the right to choose between Levi and Farlan. 

You didn’t expect to greet an entirely alone Levi with a baby with light brown tufts of hair.


End file.
